lost between shock and denial
Posted At: Mon 11 Jul 2005	Posted By: Derek Nobuyuki信幸 Wallace
Categories:Motorcycling , life

i’m going to write this in bits…

1:41am Monday July 11, 2005
We arrived at Scott’s place about 9:30 after seeing the earlier showing of Fantasic Four…
Scott told Pardeep that he had to talk to us about something… so of course we thought it was something that we’d make fun of him for making it seem seriously but even though it wouldn’t be serious like… matching a tie with a shirt or something hehe
standing in his kitchen, he told us…

as the shock washes over me… i fight to keep composed…. i fight to breathe… to breathe… to breathe… i need some air… suffocating

five weeks ago, i was over there… went to chat and have some lunch…. two days later my bike died, and i hadn’t been back since….
i wanted to go back… but without my bike it was a bit too far… lately i was thinking “why don’t i go down there anyways… i’ll just take longer time for lunch and stay longer at work…” but i still hadn’t made it… i kept telling myself.. “oh i’ll have my bike back hopefully soon… it’ll all be okay… i’ll go visit then….” now i really feel that regret…

a large part of me just doesnt want to believe it…
a large part of me just won’t accept it…

this year has been a big change in my life… and she was a key part of that positive change….

i think i should sleep ~__________~
i can’t clearly compose my thoughts….

(Aug 4 2005)
several weeks later, i’ve had a lot of time to reflect…
but still not quite able to articulate…
but i will… just have to give it some time